Any ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

October 26th, 2014 by admin


Ok, so I will introduce myself after a couple of months of lurking. I am a 35 y/o female with a 45 y/o husband. We had a great sex life for the first 7 years of our relationship, but the past 3 have been somewhat frustrating for us both. There are lots of issues, but in short, I really believe it all started with depression after his business burned to the ground. The first year after the fire, his desire came and went. The second year, there was NO desire at all…I was lucky to experience sex once a month. The third year also majorly lacked in desire, but it also lacked in ability. I’m not sure “use it or lose it” applies to sex, but it sure has seemed to in our case! Now that our marriage is back on track and he has been properly treated for depression (Wellbutrin and a very small dosage of Prozac) and his desire is back, he can never achieve a full erection and even when he can, he cannot ejaculate…not orally, manually or through penetration. He did talk with is doctor about testosterone levels and they were found to be low although I’m not sure of the numbers. After treating an underactive thyroid and high cholesterol, he was told that his levels were back to normal.

Looking back over the past ten years, I sometimes wonder if he hasn’t always suffered from a touch of ED because although he was always able to achieve and maintain a firm erection, it took him MONTHS to be able to achieve ejaculation through penetration when we first began our sexual relationship. He has also never been one for “quickies” and has always lasted for a long time. There have also been other small things that came to my attention that lead me to believe that he may possibly not have the penile sensitivity that some men have. He is also uncircumcised and I wonder if this has a little to do with his lack of sensitivity. While we do utilize plan b and he can sometimes maintain a long enough erection to bring me to orgasm, we seriously miss being able to finish together and we also both miss him being able to finish at all. I worry that he will become so frustrated with the issue that he loses all desire all over again.

Our most major issue is getting his doctor to understand that this has become a real issue in our marriage. It’s not so easy to just change doctors either because we don’t currently have health insurance. I feel “stuck” because without the insurance and a doctor that is willing to push to help us out, we can’t really afford a lot of medical help.

Any ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Blessings on You

October 9th, 2014 by admin


Yes i have found other life partners, since my divorce and also discovered that  it is more of a problem to me than it is to them never thought i would find someone, actually a few that understood and would  allow me i guess say be me.
Ok now i have choices and utilize them , between pills, tadalafil india online, injections or pumps, and  that is if intercourse is desired, being open about such things I’m finding out  is so important.
It isn’t the end of the world

It sounds to me like you may need someone to talk to

September 15th, 2014 by admin


I don’t know if your healthcare system covers perhaps a mental health professional where you may want to go and vent. Sounds to me like your self esteem is taking a beating and you can’t let that happen. I try to think of each new day as an opportunity to have a good one, no matter what. Of course then the day actually begins and shit happens but still, we don’t have to let it get to us all the way thru.
I don’t remember your age but perhaps you are also going thru peri or menopause, and that could be coloring much of your thinking. You might want to join an online group of women to speak about that. I hate to see another woman suffer needlessly. we are such beautiful creatures!

I’m so sorry you had to go thru that, especially losing your marriages

September 4th, 2014 by admin


Back in the 90’s I had a friend whose BF had to go for injections of testosterone every few months. At the time I didn’t get it. I was new in my relationship with Ron and we were rabbits. My ex husband was a rabbit all his life, though a lousy lover, so hardons don’t always mean great sex.
I hope you have found, or will find, another life partner, if you so desire.

Not sure if I want to look at porn with him at this time

August 28th, 2014 by admin


I have with my ex partner in the past when there were no problems going on and it was all a laugh but I was absolutely confident then that I was attractive to my ex by the amount of sex we had and how he told me constantly how much he fancied me. I don’t feel like that now

I know he looks at porn a lot when I’m not around, in fact I got home early and walked in on him looking at it (not masturbating I must add!) but he panicked and switched it off instantly, and I panicked and ran lol!!!! Afterwards I did think I missed a chance to say shall we look at it together, but that was quite a while ago

I’ve looked through his history on the computer, almost to find out if he had anything he particularly liked which I could do but he looks at anything and everything ~ old (thank goodness) and young, large and small, all races, all size breasts! Doesn’t seem to be films, just pictures

So it’s just me he doesn’t want to look at, he never watches me undress or takes my clothes off or anything like that, not even at the beginning, and certainly never reassures me that he finds me attractive. I don’t believe in fishing for compliments because then they mean nothing but a coupla times I did ask if he still fancies me. Once he said “What’s up? Are you feeling insecure?” and the other time he said “What do you think? Of course I do or you wouldn’t be here in my bed”

I do wonder if he’s wants to deliberately keep me insecure, but why?

I have started to look at porn myself, really to remind myself what real sex is like so that he can’t brainwash me into thinking our pale imitation of it is the real deal

Keep chanting – it isn’t me, it isn’t me!

August 4th, 2014 by admin


And read back some of the messages from the guys on here, that helps a lot, but I can feel myself spiralling down and down and when I look at myself in the mirror it’s hard to see why I would turn him on really :-( On one level I know I’m not bad for my age but on another level I compare myself to every other woman I see and think they’re more sexy than me cos they can satisfy their partners

But you’re still young! I’ve chosen to be with an old banger (his words) and he was honest about it when we met, but you have a long time ahead of you. I hope you get the problem sorted out before the damage is permanent

Can i just pick up on one phrase you used which absolutely SHOUTED at me as what happens with me and my partner?

“He can get an erection and keep it as long as I’m performing orally or manually”

I think the key words here are “I’m performing” – while we’re knocking our socks off to give them pleasure it’s ok but the minute we relax and hand over to them to “perform” it just goes to pot. It’s difficult for me not to think he’s being lazy

Sorry, I don’t mean to wind you up more than you are already but I have so many mixed emotions flying round they all tend to get in a muddle

Btw – I’ve stopped the oestrogen pessaries to see if that makes a difference

This is much like our problem

July 27th, 2014 by admin


He can get an erection and keep it as long as I’m performing orally or manually…but penetration doesn’t allow him to stay hard long.  Like you, I keep thinking it must be ME.  I’m only 35 and have only given birth once…but still wonder why I just don’t “do it” for him anymore.

For your on sanity and self esteem it is not you

July 15th, 2014 by admin


from  another mans perspective, IT IS NOT YOU, lost wo marriages because of this  issue, they thought itwas their fault, and it was a medical issue i wasn’t  willing to confront, plus at the time wasn’t much availble except counseling and  yohimbe, doctors never talked about a VED

I don’t know how I can convince you that it is NOT you

June 11th, 2014 by admin


What you described happened to us also, he would stay hard until penetration and then ploof.
And I had the same insecurities as you have. Take it from me, stop blaming yourself. It’s him and it’s not personal, it’s a disorder. And the proof of that is that now when he takes a drug, it works!
take heart.

Sorry to be a bit unsure but do you think a pump would help him?

May 16th, 2014 by admin


Getting an erection isn’t really the problem, he nearly always gets one with my help, but just can’t maintain it. It lasts longer for oral and manual but goes down quickly when we try to have intercourse, after a minute or two. Occasionally it lasts a bit longer, but never long enough for him to orgasm, he only comes when I masturbate him and not always then (he’s suffered from delayed ejaculation all his life)

This does make me feel it must be something to do with me – he was really keen yesterday morning and we managed sex for a few minutes before he went soft. I got him erect again – he was so desperate but only stayed hard about a minute the second time so we resorted to Plan B and he came that way, which he said was amazing!

But I felt really sad, surely if he can get hard (and stay hard!) for long enough to come when I masturbate him it must be something to do with me and I said I don’t think his willy likes being in me to which he joked (I guess?) that it can’t breathe when it’s in there!

I thought perhaps I get too wet so I suggested I should cut down on the oestrogen pessaries I use for dryness since the menopause but he said no it might be too scratchy!!! But it still worries me that after 3 children I’m too loose, I do regular pelvic floor exercises in case that’s it and I have heard there’s an op to tighten things up. Previous partners didn’t seem to have trouble but I can’t get this thought out of my head. It’s taken a long time for me to open the subject of it being my fault (in case he says it is?????)so don’t want to go on and on to him in case it makes the ED worse!

I’m not angry am I lol?

May 3rd, 2014 by admin


I’ll really try James, he’s due for an annual blood check etc with his Dr soon. The idea of possible free samples will excite him, though the system might be different here in the UK

I did suggest a band cos I’m sure that would help but he sort of dismissed that with a joke that it might fly off and twang me!!! Avoiding the issue again!

Failing that I’m going to see my own Dr (male) soon and think I’m going to speak to him about it all – who knows, he might give me some pills which could kill my libido! That’d teach him, the old skinflint – no more Plan B ha ha!!!!!